Hi,
This is a story about my brand new song, Keep Me In The Loop,
Before we left San Francisco, my dear friend Kyle gave me a book and wrote a heartfelt goodbye inside the cover. With a reference to The National's latest record, he thanked me for our friendship, noting that he is "not always easy to find.” Only Kyle could say it like that, but I relate to that sentiment like a ton of bricks. I am not always easy to find.
I present pretty well to people I just meet. I have little problem being friendly and even somewhat vulnerable. The co-writing culture here in Nashville is a good example. About 3-5 times a week, I get in a room with two complete strangers to write a song. We usually spend the first 45 minutes getting to know each other. This time serves as a bedrock for the trust, camaraderie, and chemistry it takes to write a song together. In my experience it helps to be a little bit vulnerable in these moments, as the best songs are written out of some kind of emotional honesty. When we finish the write, we go our separate ways.
Juxtapose that with a relationship like a spouse. Jocelyn and I have been married 11+ years, and I'd say we know each other pretty well. But when my good friend and co-producer, Jeremy Steckel came over for a co-write a year ago, I uncovered some tendencies in my closest relationships. As we caught each other up and shared our hearts, I realized I had been unintentionally keeping Jocelyn from some of the stress I was under at the time. On a typical day I'd finish work, go upstairs for dinner, play with the kids, and often be too tired to share anything of substance with her after the kids went to bed. I can't imagine acting like this when we were first married.
I think there's probably a combination of maturity and brokenness intermingled into all this. I shouldn't make a habit of emotionally dumping on my spouse without taking time to process my struggles in the quiet of my own thoughts. But there's another more broken side, where I'd rather not burden her with what I'm going through. Instead of talking about it, I'll keep it hid, and it will most likely surface in a moment of irritation or frustration towards her or our kids.
As we talked, Jeremy and I were reminded of the times when we couldn't wait to share the details of the day with the ones we love. We pondered ways to get back to that place. It's amazing to know there's someone waiting for you at the end of the day who loves you and wants to hear it all. It's incredible to have a friend like that.
I hope you're reminded of the people who love you and want to hear all about your life as you listen to Keep Me In The Loop.
Kevin
“Everything that we've been through, keep me in the loop.”
